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Archive for 3/9/2008 to 3/16/2008Saturday Evening Post - Flotsam and JetsamThings you would know, if you read them here.Happy Saturday. This is by way of some light house keeping.I am pleased to announce that I have been selected to have my blog feed placed on ALLTOP. Why I have been accorded this signal honor is beyond me. (Perhaps they haven't tried to cash the check yet.) Nevertheless, I now join such notables as Mattress Police and The Ominous Comma at one of the premium feed aggregation sites on the Internet.And I wouldn't just say that because I'm there. I'd..[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing...  It's Hi-Cooter Day! Procrastination It's official. Christmas is over.As a good Minnesotan, I kept my outdoor Christmas decorations up well past Christmas, though I had a pretty decent reason: The snow had melted and refroze so many times that removing the light cords from my yard would have required a jackhammer or a blowtorch, neither of which I own. But our recent "warm" weather freed my cords, enabling me to take down my collection of yard decorations -- which, I promise, haven't been lit since at least Martin Luther King's bir[...] Source: Dorky Dad Apathy Indicator Takes a Large Jump That's a picture of "H.E. Buddy", the mascot of my local grocery store. Obviously, I only shop at upscale grocery stores that go to the trouble to develop a mascot. You can't tell it from this picture, but in the store the logo looks suspiciously like SpongeBob SquarePants *, only more brown. In fact, my children call H.E. Buddy the Mexican SpongeBob. We're pretty sure he has his green card though, so it's all good. The reason I'm telling you all of t[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Techno-raunchy Apparently Technorati felt they needed to include this request in the photo upload section of the account profile page:click image to enlargeOk, you got me. It won't happen again.But hey, thanks for the compliment. I think they're very special as well. {{{blush}}}your private parts are always welcome at humor-blogs.com[...] Source: View From The Cloud Weekend Bonus - Not Like The Other Guys Here is another video blog, comprised not only of motion and picture, but also a surprising amount of hot air. In this episode I explain, not entirely unlike a young Micheal Jackson garbed in red leather, that I am not like the other video bloggers. The difference is sure to surprise you. It certainly did me. Not LikeThe Other Guys from Brent Diggs on Vimeo. ——- Also see my friends at humor-blogs.com Bookmark to: [...] Source: The Ominous Comma Paris Hilton’s New BFF is a Real Doll Being a celebutante slut can be very trying and exhausting. People use you to get into all the best clubs and nightspots, as well as to meet all the in-people. It is no wonder that Paris Hilton is looking for new friends. But not just any friend, her new BFF (Best Friend Forever). And her search will become a 10-episode series on MTV. Once the 20 finalists are selected they will have the opportunity to move into a house with Paris, and learn all about what makes this little trampezoid tic[...] Source: Extremely Funny Atlanta: What Are We, In Freakin' Kansas??! Some of you may know that I live in Atlanta. We had some really bad storms last night so I went to MSNBC.com to see what they were reporting. Here is the headline with a picture:Gee...we were hit by a "possible" tornado. Let's review the facts:1. The tornado siren went off about 5 minutes before the windows were blown out of this building.2. There is a line of damage about a mile long.3. Residents reported hearing a roaring noise right before their homes blew away.So...it was either a tornado or[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Atlanta: What Are We, In Freakin' Kansas??! Some of you may know that I live in Atlanta. We had some really bad storms last night so I went to MSNBC.com to see what they were reporting. Here is the headline with a picture:Gee...we were hit by a "possible" tornado. Let's review the facts:1. The tornado siren went off about 5 minutes before the windows were blown out of this building.2. There is a line of damage about a mile long.3. Residents reported hearing a roaring noise right before their homes blew away.So...it was either a tornado or[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Moms Gone (semi) Wild (but fully clothed) Yep. I knew it. I knew that there were other moms out in the world that are not apron wearing, blanket knitting, June Cleaver clones. Not that there's anything wrong with knitting or aprons...but that's just not my thing. Apparently, there are women out there who are just as insane, unconventional and shameless as I am. Whew!!! What a relief. My new moms group played bunco last night. A whole group of 15 moms who yell at their kids on occasion, make time for themselves on occasion, have a glass [...] Source: Seven Seeds Moms Gone (semi) Wild (but fully clothed) Yep. I knew it. I knew that there were other moms out in the world that are not apron wearing, blanket knitting, June Cleaver clones. Not that there's anything wrong with knitting or aprons...but that's just not my thing. Apparently, there are women out there who are just as insane, unconventional and shameless as I am. Whew!!! What a relief. My new moms group played bunco last night. A whole group of 15 moms who yell at their kids on occasion, make time for themselves on occasion, have a glass [...] Source: Seven Seeds Moms Gone (semi) Wild (but fully clothed) Yep. I knew it. I knew that there were other moms out in the world that are not apron wearing, blanket knitting, June Cleaver clones. Not that there's anything wrong with knitting or aprons...but that's just not my thing. Apparently, there are women out there who are just as insane, unconventional and shameless as I am. Whew!!! What a relief. My new moms group played bunco last night. A whole group of 15 moms who yell at their kids on occasion, make time for themselves on occasion, have a glass [...] Source: Seven Seeds Moms Gone (semi) Wild (but fully clothed) Yep. I knew it. I knew that there were other moms out in the world that are not apron wearing, blanket knitting, June Cleaver clones. Not that there's anything wrong with knitting or aprons...but that's just not my thing. Apparently, there are women out there who are just as insane, unconventional and shameless as I am. Whew!!! What a relief. My new moms group played bunco last night. A whole group of 15 moms who yell at their kids on occasion, make time for themselves on occasion, have a glass [...] Source: Seven Seeds Happy Birthday Ro! Today is Ro's 11th birthday (boy, do I feel old now), and I'm taking a minute to write this while the cake is in the oven. I used to make cakes like this:But this year it'll have to be an ordinary one with powdered sugar on top, since we are busy, busy, busy. Today just happens to coincide with Catgirl and Princess V's (that's what she decided her blog name should be) rhythmic gymnastics show, so I feel like a chicken running around after it's head has been cut off. Make cake, wrap presents, ge[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Hey fellow offenders, it's the weekend again and this Weekender Offender is dedicated to a fellow offender and one of the funniest humor bloggers out there, Kevin from Pointlessbanter.He is the man who recently gave the following response to a question over at Blog Catalog that someone asked regarding what we as bloggers would do if we found out that something we wrote offended someone:"I have without a doubt pissed off everyone that reads my blog at one time or another. Everything is funny unti[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Hey fellow offenders, it's the weekend again and this Weekender Offender is dedicated to a fellow offender and humor blogger, Kevin from Pointlessbanter.He is the man who said the following words in response to a question about what we as bloggers would do if we found out that something we wrote offended someone:"I have without a doubt pissed off everyone that reads my blog at one time or another. Everything is funny until you hit on a topic that is touchy to someone.They will get over it, if no[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Hey fellow offenders, it's the weekend again and this Weekender Offender is dedicated to a fellow offender and humor blogger, Kevin from Pointlessbanter.He is the man who said the following words in response to a question about what we as bloggers would do if we found out that something we wrote offended someone:"I have without a doubt pissed off everyone that reads my blog at one time or another. Everything is funny until you hit on a topic that is touchy to someone.They will get over it, if no[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Hey fellow offenders, it's the weekend again and this Weekender Offender is dedicated to a fellow offender and humor blogger, Kevin from Pointlessbanter.He is the man who said the following words in response to a question about what we as bloggers would do if we found out that something we wrote offended someone:"I have without a doubt pissed off everyone that reads my blog at one time or another. Everything is funny until you hit on a topic that is touchy to someone.They will get over it, if no[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Hey fellow offenders, it's the weekend again and this Weekender Offender is dedicated to a fellow offender and humor blogger, Kevin from Pointlessbanter.He is the man who said the following words in response to a question about what we as bloggers would do if we found out that something we wrote offended someone:"I have without a doubt pissed off everyone that reads my blog at one time or another. Everything is funny until you hit on a topic that is touchy to someone.They will get over it, if no[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Iron Man Caption Contest Winners In a truly historic turn of events, Brad won the contest two times in a row, for a total of three wins! I even had to make a special banner for him:In second place was newcomer Jenny, Bloggess, with:The vasectomy was difficult but a success. There would be no more toaster-related paternity suits in Iron Man's future.And Barry took third with:"Hey c'mon Diesel! You said it was just going to be a bit of spanking and back to the script! Hey! Can you hear me? Look I'm using the safety word! Spaghet[...] Iron Man Caption Contest Winners In a truly historic turn of events, Brad won the contest two times in a row, for a total of three wins! I even had to make a special banner for him:In second place was newcomer Jenny, Bloggess, with:The vasectomy was difficult but a success. There would be no more toaster-related paternity suits in Iron Man's future.And Barry took third with:"Hey c'mon Diesel! You said it was just going to be a bit of spanking and back to the script! Hey! Can you hear me? Look I'm using the safety word! Spaghet[...] Whacking Off If you're a parent of young children and if you happen to live in the United States *, then you're probably painfully aware of Chuck E. Cheese restaurants. The founders of this restaurant chain developed a clever tripartite plan of attack to separate parents from their hard earned cash : 1). pizza (or a reasonable facsimile) 2). giant animatronic characters and 3). arcade games. ArmadilloTrader just ate a few minutes ago, so I'm really not up to writing much a[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday! There's a whole lotta bitchin' goin' on today. First up is the gigs I've had to cancel because I'm getting a fresh batch of ankle cartilage. Standup comedy can be really hard and yet I'd rather do a year of hell gigs at Betty's Fireside in Jersey than have to go through this surgery. For free. Please do me a favor and take this survey. You'll be entered in a drawing for a free pass to the next BlogHer conference, which is always held in cool kick-ass cities. BlogHer can be an inroad to growing y[...] Woman Sat on Boyfriend’s Toilet for 2 Years In probably the weirdest of all weird news, the story of a Kansas woman who did not leave her boyfriend’s bathroom for two years hit the news circuits this week. Allow me to briefly review the high/lowlights: The woman chose on her own to stay inside the bathroom. Her boyfriend of 16 years tried daily to get her to come out. She would always respond, “maybe tomorrow.” The boyfriend brought the woman food and water every day. On February 27, he called police to report, “t[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Woman Sat on Boyfriend’s Toilet for 2 Years In probably the weirdest of all weird news, the story of a Kansas woman who did not leave her boyfriend’s bathroom for two years hit the news circuits this week. Allow me to briefly review the high/lowlights: The woman chose on her own to stay inside the bathroom. Her boyfriend of 16 years tried daily to get her to come out. She would always respond, “maybe tomorrow.” The boyfriend brought the woman food and water every day. On February 27, he called police to report, “t[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Woman Sat on Boyfriend’s Toilet for 2 Years In probably the weirdest of all weird news, the story of a Kansas woman who did not leave her boyfriend’s bathroom for two years hit the news circuits this week. Allow me to briefly review the high/lowlights: The woman chose on her own to stay inside the bathroom. Her boyfriend of 16 years tried daily to get her to come out. She would always respond, “maybe tomorrow.” The boyfriend brought the woman food and water every day. On February 27, he called police to report, “t[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Woman Sat on Boyfriend’s Toilet for 2 Years In probably the weirdest of all weird news, the story of a Kansas woman who did not leave her boyfriend’s bathroom for two years hit the news circuits this week. Allow me to briefly review the high/lowlights: The woman chose on her own to stay inside the bathroom. Her boyfriend of 16 years tried daily to get her to come out. She would always respond, “maybe tomorrow.” The boyfriend brought the woman food and water every day. On February 27, he called police to report, “t[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Woman Sat on Boyfriend’s Toilet for 2 Years In probably the weirdest of all weird news, the story of a Kansas woman who did not leave her boyfriend’s bathroom for two years hit the news circuits this week. Allow me to briefly review the high/lowlights: The woman chose on her own to stay inside the bathroom. Her boyfriend of 16 years tried daily to get her to come out. She would always respond, “maybe tomorrow.” The boyfriend brought the woman food and water every day. On February 27, he called police to report, “t[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Woman Sat on Boyfriend’s Toilet for 2 Years In probably the weirdest of all weird news, the story of a Kansas woman who did not leave her boyfriend’s bathroom for two years hit the news circuits this week. Allow me to briefly review the high/lowlights: The woman chose on her own to stay inside the bathroom. Her boyfriend of 16 years tried daily to get her to come out. She would always respond, “maybe tomorrow.” The boyfriend brought the woman food and water every day. On February 27, he called police to report, “t[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Woman Sat on Boyfriend’s Toilet for 2 Years In probably the weirdest of all weird news, the story of a Kansas woman who did not leave her boyfriend’s bathroom for two years hit the news circuits this week. Allow me to briefly review the high/lowlights: The woman chose on her own to stay inside the bathroom. Her boyfriend of 16 years tried daily to get her to come out. She would always respond, “maybe tomorrow.” The boyfriend brought the woman food and water every day. On February 27, he called police to report, “t[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Consorting with Known Governors I had hoped to keep my blog above this sort of thing. While all the other so-called humor-blogs were wallowing in the mire, I was trying to uplift the genre by describing the many fine cultural aspects of Idaho. I thought:"Maybe the readers have finally tired of all the filth, the fidelity failures, the downward deviancy definitions. (Excellent alliteration by the way.) Maybe discovering that places like the Idaho Potato Museum still exist will remind everyone of the true greatness of America!" [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Hikes With Tykes Calling All Campers! Today, I'm packing seven duffel bags in preparation for Camp Seeley. My family has been attending the camp since I was Trenton's age. We sleep in a one room cabin, eat in a huge mess hall, skip the showers and get rugged! Hey... it may not be the ultimate form of "roughing it," but with nine of us, it is as close to "roughing it" as I care to get. One year, we decided to camp out at Doheney Beach. We pitched a tent and stayed for two days. It was our first vacation ever and [...] Source: Seven Seeds It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday! There's a whole lotta bitchin' goin' on today. First up is the gigs I've had to cancel because I'm getting a fresh batch of ankle cartilage. Standup comedy can be really hard and yet I'd rather do a year of hell gigs at Betty's Fireside in Jersey than have to go through this surgery. For free. Please do me a favor and take this survey. You'll be entered in a drawing for a free pass to the next BlogHer conference, which is always held in cool kick-ass cities. BlogHer can be an inroad to growing y[...] A rude awakening The other day I had to drive 4 hours to a client's site for a 2 day visit.The trip down there was awesome, due in part to the very generous gift I received from Phil. A few weeks ago he mentioned he had an extra copy of a CD he burned of the "Top 25 Songs of 2007" and asked if anyone wanted it. I jumped at the chance and Phil promptly mailed it off to me. I spent the entire drive rocking out to a very energizing collection of uplifting tunes. I called it the "soundtrack of my trip." Thanks Phil.[...] Source: View From The Cloud Was that really only last Monday?!? submitted by Chris HobeckOr as we know it, "Fulfilled".---------------------------------------------submitted by Chris HobeckI am much more comfortable with traditional arguing with Jesus.---------------------------------------------submitted by Chris HobeckAll in favor, say....oh, never mind.---------------------------------------------"Mighty men of God Conference!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Bruce BezaireTopic: Humility------------------------------------------------"Bkfst[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Was that really only last Monday?!? submitted by Chris HobeckOr as we know it, "Fulfilled".---------------------------------------------submitted by Chris HobeckI am much more comfortable with traditional arguing with Jesus.---------------------------------------------submitted by Chris HobeckAll in favor, say....oh, never mind.---------------------------------------------"Mighty men of God Conference!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Bruce BezaireTopic: Humility------------------------------------------------"Bkfst[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Thag scared at that time of month! Thag whistled while he packed for the next trip. He liked to organize short hunting expeditions for a certain week of the month — even if there was little chance of finding game — as it was a good idea to be away from the women-folk of the Thunka Grunka Clan during this specific week. This made Thag extremely popular amongst the other hunters (that and his steady, sure hunting leadership), but it made him extremely unpopular with the men-folk who were too old or too young to take [...] Source: The Skwib Thag scared at that time of month! Thag whistled while he packed for the next trip. He liked to organize short hunting expeditions for a certain week of the month — even if there was little chance of finding game — as it was a good idea to be away from the women-folk of the Thunka Grunka Clan during this specific week. This made Thag extremely popular amongst the other hunters (that and his steady, sure hunting leadership), but it made him extremely unpopular with the men-folk who were too old or too young to take [...] Source: The Skwib Britney, please keep your pants on I just realized that the sign in my last post should really have a yellow background, since all the road work signs in Spain are red and yellow, not red and white. Then it hit me, this sign has the same colors as the Spanish flag. Coincidence? Probably not.This is Spain, the country of perpetual public works. I think they even have a patron saint for this, and I may just light a candle to him to help speed up the work on my blog. There'll be more changes, but I hope they'll be subtle, since [...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Crappy Arguments I received a lot of e-mail in the last couple of days about the lady that stayed in her bathroom for two years. If you haven’t read the story here is one of posts about it. In one of the stories was a line that said something to the effect that they were a normal couple and had a normal relationship but it just happened to take place in a bathroom. If that isn’t creepy I don’t know what is. And honestly talk about a no win situation for the guy, imagine some of the arguments th[...] Source: Pointless Banter Polled by the Patriarchy Tina the Lesbian had a unusual visitor at her front door today. “Hi, would you like to participate in a short poll?” says Lance Patriarchy, the living embodiment of male dominance and oppression. Usually women can’t see him, they can only feel his oppressive nature. But for some reason lesbians can see him. “About what?” says Tina the Lesbian, wary of conversing with Lance, for the patriarchy is crafty. “The Democratic primary candidates for President,”[...] Source: Renal Failure Hey, Thanks! Just a quick post to say 2 things:1. To the guy who was honking at me as I was pushing my car up the overpass in Milpitas today: What were you trying to communicate exactly? That I was in the "no pushing lane"? That I wasn't pushing as hard as you thought I should? See, what you probably didn't realize is that I didn't plan on pushing my car up the hill. It was actually running on its own power for most of the way, and then it stopped rather unexpectedly. I was really only pushing it becau[...] The Rise of… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Like an open A chord strummed on an electric guitar plugged into a Marshall stack, like that first sip of coffee in the morning, like that shooshy sound you get when your toilet unclogs after fevered plunging, he emerges… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Tu Pacana Virica strikes fear in the hearts of evildoers in his green spandex outfit. He wears a green outfit, by the way, because when he first rearranged the letters of the words “pirate” and “vulcan,” the two entities he [...] Source: The Frog Bog The Rise of… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Like an open A chord strummed on an electric guitar plugged into a Marshall stack, like that first sip of coffee in the morning, like that shooshy sound you get when your toilet unclogs after fevered plunging, he emerges… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Tu Pacana Virica strikes fear in the hearts of evildoers in his green spandex outfit. He wears a green outfit, by the way, because when he first rearranged the letters of the words “pirate” and “vulcan,” the two entities he [...] Source: The Frog Bog The Rise of… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Like an open A chord strummed on an electric guitar plugged into a Marshall stack, like that first sip of coffee in the morning, like that shooshy sound you get when your toilet unclogs after fevered plunging, he emerges… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Tu Pacana Virica strikes fear in the hearts of evildoers in his green spandex outfit. He wears a green outfit, by the way, because when he first rearranged the letters of the words “pirate” and “vulcan,” the two entities he [...] Source: The Frog Bog The Rise of… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Like an open A chord strummed on an electric guitar plugged into a Marshall stack, like that first sip of coffee in the morning, like that shooshy sound you get when your toilet unclogs after fevered plunging, he emerges… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Tu Pacana Virica strikes fear in the hearts of evildoers in his green spandex outfit. He wears a green outfit, by the way, because when he first rearranged the letters of the words “pirate” and “vulcan,” the two entities he [...] Source: The Frog Bog The Rise of… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Like an open A chord strummed on an electric guitar plugged into a Marshall stack, like that first sip of coffee in the morning, like that shooshy sound you get when your toilet unclogs after fevered plunging, he emerges… ¡¡¡Tu Pacana Virica!!! Tu Pacana Virica strikes fear in the hearts of evildoers in his green spandex outfit. He wears a green outfit, by the way, because when he first rearranged the letters of the words “pirate” and “vulcan,” the two entities he [...] Source: The Frog Bog Now that's constipated Many of you have wondered, while waiting to use the bathroom, whether the spouse/significant other/sibling/child/parent/grandparent/perfect stranger currently occupying the can had planned to actually move in. Indeed, I'd suspect more than a few of you have vocalized those concerns. But, to a Kansas man, this actually happened.According to this story, a Kansas woman not only spent two years in the bathroom, she spent that entire time on the toilet, so much that her skin grew around the seat, whi[...] Source: Dorky Dad A Finishing School for the Politicians Wife There must be some sort of finishing school for politicians wives. They are like Stepford Wives on crack or something. In Adulation 101 they'd learn how to stare at their husbands with awe and interest when listening to his thirtieth speech of the day. They don't HAVE to stifle the yawn because they aren't bored. No! They are completely enchanted listening to him opine endlessly about his political crap.The school would also have a course in "Looking the Part" where the wives would learn in-dept[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Harry Potter’s... WHAT?? This post is rated R. -Day Seventy-something.Okay you guys, I’m still feeling a little wonky.My eyes are burning my nose is sore, my hair is standing up on its ends from me thrashing my head around on my pillow, asking the powers that be why oh why must they torture my poor little brain so! Can you get a hernia from sneezing??So far no response, unless you call having a wet pine cone falling in between my sweater and my warm skin a response. I choose not to think of it as such since this would mean they’re saying “St[...] Source: Bee's Musings Harry Potter’s... WHAT?? This post is rated R. -Day Seventy-something.Okay you guys, I’m still feeling a little wonky.My eyes are burning my nose is sore, my hair is standing up on its ends from me thrashing around on my pillow asking the powers that be why oh why must they torture my poor little brain so! Can you get a hernia from sneezing??So far no response, unless you call having a wet pine cone falling in between my sweater and my warm skin a response. I choose not to think of it as such since this would mean they’re saying “Stop your m[...] Source: Bee's Musings Hillary Clinton is the New Chuck Norris Hillary Clinton’s thirty-plus years of public service have been amazing. For example, last week she reluctantly admitted that she ‘helped bring peace to Northern Ireland.’ For some reason, Hillary’s view of her own career reminds me of those Chuck Norris jokes about how he could beat everyone up in real life. But in Hillary Clinton’s version of the Chuck Norris joke, she kicked Chuck’s ass, made him cry and cured cancer. All in a day’s work for the second-place Presidential candi[...] What I like about Canada: by Special Dark Special Dark always tells us that English is his second language, but we are pretty sure he doesn't have a first language. He's a great guy, and good-natured about all the ball-busting we dish out, but being around him for any length of time means that you will almost certainly witness inappropriateness of some kind or another in very short order.This is the story of Special Dark and the similarities he shares with Martin Luther King. They actually have a lot in common, when you think about i[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch The Ironic Catholic Pulls Out "The Woman Card" Alas, it could not last. The "negative ads" for Catholic Blog Awards 2008 Funniest Blog have begun.* Paul from Alive and Young has been doing a saturation campaign, playing into the politics of fear: insinuating that a vote for me is a vote for one who would "destroy the world, pillage America, beat homeless people with bats, won't recycle, run around naked singing the theme song from Scooby Doo, and eat your babies." And Jeff from the Curt Jester came out swinging against half the blogospher[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic The Ironic Catholic Pulls Out "The Woman Card" Alas, it could not last. The "negative ads" for Catholic Blog Awards 2008 Funniest Blog have begun.* Paul from Alive and Young has been doing a saturation campaign, playing into the politics of fear: insinuating that a vote for me if a vote for one who would "destroy the world, pillage America, beat homeless people with bats, won't recycle, run around naked singing the theme song from Scooby Doo, and eat your babies." And Jeff from the Curt Jester came out swinging against half the blogospher[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic ashley alexandra dupre is my new myspace friend or she would have been, if i had gotten my lazy ass up off the couch last night. apparently, her myspace page was still active as of yesterday. sadly, now it’s gone. now you may be wondering why in the world, i would be interested in having a high-priced call girl as my friend? simple. anyone capable of almost single-handedly ruining eliot shitzer’s undeserved and ill-gotten career in politics is tops in my book. plus girlfriend can rock the chic hippy look. shitzer’s entire c[...] Source: leighonline Spread The Love! One of the most frequent questions from people who watched our episode, was whether or not we still implement Jo Jo's heart idea. While I'd like to answer that with an emphatic, "Everyday!" it would not be an honest answer. We still try to do them a few times a week, but we also have a family circle night. It is an opportunity for the kids to write down questions and get an honest answer form Daniel and I. However, the hearts still seem to be their favorite!This gave me an idea. Since my kids lo[...] Source: Seven Seeds It's not just Mountain Goats Sorry for being so tardy in posting. Yesterday was a busy day. What with piano and harp lessons and then a heady and culturally significant meeting at the local Elks Lodge, I was rather busy in the social whirl that is North-west-central Idaho.I know that a lot of my far-flung readers may have a pretty negative opinion of Idaho. You probably think of it as the scarcely populated home for survivalists, hicks, hayseeds, and kooks. But this kind of regional chauvinism is inappropriate. Idaho is all[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... I've Been Accepted I was visiting Crummy Church Signs when I came across a post about Alltop, which is a humor feed aggregator. Just like the Enron stock buying craze, I thought "Hey, this is a great idea. I should get in on this!" So, I got in touch with a guy named "Guy", and after a lot of red tape I received the formal application in the mail. It was a very detailed application, about 78 pages in length, and along with the usual questions about sexual preferenc[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader I've Been Accepted I was visiting Crummy Church Signs when I came across a post about Alltop, which is a humor feed aggregator. Just like the Enron stock buying craze, I thought "Hey, this is a great idea. I should get in on this!" So, I got in touch with a guy named "Guy", and after a lot of red tape I received the formal application in the mail. It was a very detailed application, about 78 pages in length, and along with the usual questions about sexual preferenc[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Why I'm buying a tent... Welp...we kept Daniel's stitches closed for five whole days. As with most things in life, the good always come to an end. After story time, last night, the kids all scrambled to be the first to the bathroom and get pajamas on. Of course, Daniel was running. Of course, Trenton was running in the opposite direction and not looking. Of course, you know the rest...Blood everywhere, screaming children running aimlessly and a very remorseful Trenton bawling in his room, because he thought that it was [...] Source: Seven Seeds Pot! Hookers! A Boat! Why is pot illegal? I don't enjoy it myself so this isn't really about ME but seriously...why? It's a plant that you grow and then smoke. It relaxes you, right? If booze and tobacco products are legal pot should be, too. I'm just saying. And while we're discussing legality issues, what about prostitution? Let me get this straight, it's legal to give it away but it's ILLEGAL to sell it?! That's stupid.I've TOTALLY gotten off topic here. And I'm reeling it in.... I'm back!OK. Remember her?Her name[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Hey is for horses. submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatOr you could swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck.-------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonDid anybody consult Jesus about this plan?!? I'm not so sure He's in favor.-------------------------------------------------submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonMasses are welcome. Individuals: Stay away!-------------------------------------------------"God is like Bayer asp[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Carnival of Satire (#96) Welcome to the Carnival of Satire, where you can momentarily forget your worries about the impending meltdown of the US economy. (Stop smirking all you Albertans!) Rickey Henderson is not only a great baseball player, but he’s financial wizard. Learn how to rise above the economic collapse with Rickey’s Stock Market Tips. Brent Diggs has an important note about What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American. Our apologies to all the non-American readers. (May or may [...] Source: The Skwib Carnival of Satire (#96) Welcome to the Carnival of Satire, where you can momentarily forget your worries about the impending meltdown of the US economy. (Stop smirking all you Albertans!) Rickey Henderson is not only a great baseball player, but he’s financial wizard. Learn how to rise above the economic collapse with Rickey’s Stock Market Tips. Brent Diggs has an important note about What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American. Our apologies to all the non-American readers. (May or may [...] Source: The Skwib Come on Elliot Spitzer, 5 Grand for a Hooker. Don’t You Know About Craigslist? Man I am disappointed in Elliot Spitzer. Is it because after his years of hard charging and taking down big companies for illegal activities he gets busted? Nope. I am just shocked that he spent over 5 grand on a hooker. That is amazing to me. Sure these aren’t typical crack whores we are talking about. He probably isn’t going to catch a STD and the girls look like models. Let me show you what I am talking about, this was taken from the Emperors Club site: Alright so she doesn’[...] Source: Pointless Banter Come on Elliot Spitzer, 5 Grand for a Hooker. Don’t You Know About Craigslist? Man I am disappointed in Elliot Spitzer. Is it because after his years of hard charging and taking down big companies for illegal activities he gets busted? Nope. I am just shocked that he spent over 5 grand on a hooker. That is amazing to me. Sure these aren’t typical crack whores we are talking about. He probably isn’t going to catch a STD and the girls look like models. Let me show you what I am talking about, this was taken from the Emperors Club site: Alright so she doesn’[...] Source: Pointless Banter Come on Elliot Spitzer, 5 Grand for a Hooker. Don’t You Know About Craigslist? Man I am disappointed in Elliot Spitzer. Is it because after his years of hard charging and taking down big companies for illegal activities he gets busted? Nope. I am just shocked that he spent over 5 grand on a hooker. That is amazing to me. Sure these aren’t typical crack whores we are talking about. He probably isn’t going to catch a STD and the girls look like models. Let me show you what I am talking about, this was taken from the Emperors Club site: Alright so she doesn’[...] Source: Pointless Banter Come on Elliot Spitzer, 5 Grand for a Hooker. Don’t You Know About Craigslist? Man I am disappointed in Elliot Spitzer. Is it because after his years of hard charging and taking down big companies for illegal activities he gets busted? Nope. I am just shocked that he spent over 5 grand on a hooker. That is amazing to me. Sure these aren’t typical crack whores we are talking about. He probably isn’t going to catch a STD and the girls look like models. Let me show you what I am talking about, this was taken from the Emperors Club site: Alright so she doesn’[...] Source: Pointless Banter Come on Elliot Spitzer, 5 Grand for a Hooker. Don’t You Know About Craigslist? Man I am disappointed in Elliot Spitzer. Is it because after his years of hard charging and taking down big companies for illegal activities he gets busted? Nope. I am just shocked that he spent over 5 grand on a hooker. That is amazing to me. Sure these aren’t typical crack whores we are talking about. He probably isn’t going to catch a STD and the girls look like models. Let me show you what I am talking about, this was taken from the Emperors Club site: Alright so she doesn’[...] Source: Pointless Banter Ninth Caller Gets a Catnip Mouse So I go over Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat’s house the other day because I ran out of beer, and I find my furry friend curled up in a box on the floor in the living room with the radio playing. He’s got his eyes closed and he’s purring. “What are you listening to?” I ask. “Sounds mellow.” “It’s Cat Galaxy Radio,” Bernie says, not moving from his box. “It’s radio for cats.” “Cats listen to James Taylor and smooth [...] Source: Renal Failure L.A. Sign Of The Times # 34 People with more expensive shoes over at humor-blogs.com[...] L.A. Sign Of The Times # 34 People with more expensive shoes over at humor-blogs.com[...] L.A. Sign Of The Times # 34 People with more expensive shoes over at humor-blogs.com[...] Introducing FRANK! Many of you know that bodacious boulder-holder, Olga the Traveling Bra. I love Olga. She travels around the world and writes about her adventures on her travel blog. It is definitely one of my favorites.But many of you do not know that I have my own resident undergarment, one that is much less traveled than is Olga. He's not nearly as good looking, and nor is he anywhere remotely as pleasant. His name?Frank the Sedentary Jockstrap!This is a typical picture of Frank. He's usually sitting around [...] Source: Dorky Dad Sexy Programmer Thursday: Hornacious Version 3.0 Oh, hello there. I see that you have returned for the most s-s-s-sizzlin day of the week - that sanctified time when we get a taste of some sweet dollops of redhot lust; that's right - it's Sexy Programmer Thursday! Welcome - or, should I say Wilkommen - to one and all. Grab a tall glass of 2% and make yourself comfortable, because I have a Danish treat cooked to order just for you.There may be something rotten in the state of Denmark, but there's something ohso right with our bangin Dane Bjarne[...] Source: this blog is eggsalady I've gotten mail with what I hope are chocolate stains! -Day 72. Do not believe yourself healthy. Immortality is health; this life is a long sickness.- ST. AUGUSTINE, SermonsI was in the middle of putting a proposal together for an attorney and had to stop to blow my nose (I was infected YET AGAIN by the germ carrying gray haired bats), when I realized my germs were going to be stuffed into an envelope and mailed to a suburb near me.I'm sending my germs to an attorney who has fought with me for 7 months. He deserves to be sniffling, coughing and soun[...] Source: Bee's Musings Spitzer Officially Resigns as NY Governor Spitzer Swallows Eliot Spitzer officially resigned from the office of New York Governor Wednesday morning. In a Manhattan press conference he made his public apology and announced his resignation. Over the course of my public life, I have insisted — I believe correctly — that people regardless of their position or power take responsibility for their conduct,. I can and will ask no less of myself. For this reason, I am resigning from the office of governor Spitzer was alleged to have been in[...] Stinky Toes Are My Foes I am so sick and tired of my van smelling like rancid feet. Everyday, the children get in the van, pull off their shoes and stick their sourdough toes in front of the vents. By the time we get home, the whole van is ripe with foul foot odor. So today, when the worst foot odor ever plagued the atmosphere, I almost lost my cool. I gave the kids a lecture on keeping their shoes on, washing their feet once in awhile and using some foot powder if the washing doesn't help. They all held their feet up [...] Source: Seven Seeds A Moment To Dream I have a dream...My dream is to live in a neighborhood where we can play in our front yard, without the fear of drug deals and violence taking place.I dream of having enough money to donate school supplies and help out those in need, without hurting our own necessary bank funds, or charging things to a credit card. I dream of moving my mom into a safe neighborhood, where I can rest easy at night, knowing that she is okay without a man's protection.I dream of having dreams. It is difficult to hav[...] Source: Seven Seeds Memerrific Wednesday O-Rama Rickey has an overwhelming meme that must be obeyed: look up 15 of your favorite movies on IMDB take a quote from each and post them for your readership to properly identify as your movie savvy readers correctly identify the quotes’ cinematic origins in the comments section below, they shall be crossed out on the list (the quotes, not the readers) bonus points (in the form of a link to your site) if you can guess the speaker too. Okay, here goes. Some are ridiculously easy, but I think [...] Source: The Skwib Memerrific Wednesday O-Rama Rickey has an overwhelming meme that must be obeyed: look up 15 of your favorite movies on IMDB take a quote from each and post them for your readership to properly identify as your movie savvy readers correctly identify the quotes’ cinematic origins in the comments section below, they shall be crossed out on the list (the quotes, not the readers) bonus points (in the form of a link to your site) if you can guess the speaker too. Okay, here goes. Some are ridiculously easy, but I think [...] Source: The Skwib Memerrific Wednesday O-Rama Rickey has an overwhelming meme that must be obeyed: look up 15 of your favorite movies on IMDB take a quote from each and post them for your readership to properly identify as your movie savvy readers correctly identify the quotes’ cinematic origins in the comments section below, they shall be crossed out on the list (the quotes, not the readers) bonus points (in the form of a link to your site) if you can guess the speaker too. Okay, here goes. Some are ridiculously easy, but I think [...] Source: The Skwib Woman at Work This is one of the most common road signs you can see here in Spain. It seems that there are men "at work" everywhere, and you either have to weave your way through all the obstacles in your path, or take a very long detour.My blog feels kind of like one of the inumerable public works we have around here, always changing, always under construction. The only difference is that here there aren't three guys watching while one works. It's just little old me all by myself. This is at least the th[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Woman at Work This is one of the most common road signs you can see here in Spain. It seems that there are men "at work" everywhere, and you either have to weave your way through all the obstacles in your path, or take a very long detour.My blog feels kind of like one of the inumerable public works we have around here, always changing, always under construction. The only difference is that here there aren't three guys watching while one works. It's just little old me all by myself. This is at least the th[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Woman at Work This is one of the most common road signs you can see here in Spain. It seems that there are men "at work" everywhere, and you either have to weave your way through all the obstacles in your path, or take a very long detour.My blog feels kind of like one of the inumerable public works we have around here, always changing, always under construction. The only difference is that here there aren't three guys watching while one works. It's just little old me all by myself. This is at least the th[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... You're Number One! I was thinking about hand signs today.There are only about seven hand signs that are universally recognized in Western culture, and I find it interesting that one of these is the sign for "F--- you." At least, I think that's what it means. I don't have a translation chart or anything, but in my experience they seem to evoke the same response. Evidently our need to express the sentiment "F--- you" is right up there with "hello" and "OK."How did that happen exactly? Was there a meeting where c[...] You're Number One! I was thinking about hand signs today.There are only about seven hand signs that are universally recognized in Western culture, and I find it interesting that one of these is the sign for "F--- you." At least, I think that's what it means. I don't have a translation chart or anything, but in my experience they seem to evoke the same response. Evidently our need to express the sentiment "F--- you" is right up there with "hello" and "OK."How did that happen exactly? Was there a meeting where c[...] One, Two, Memes Here Before You I used to dislike memes until I realized they enabled me to be sarcastic and give all of you, my rabid readers, the Kev trivia you so desperately crave. If that isn’t a win-win, I don’t know what is. Today I have two memes. The first is from a long-time reader who has tagged me in the past. The second is from a relatively new reader who I probably offended and scared away because she tagged me for the meme 8 weeks ago and I’m just now doing it. The “To Do List” Mem[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid One, Two, Memes Here Before You I used to dislike memes until I realized they enabled me to be sarcastic and give all of you, my rabid readers, the Kev trivia you so desperately crave. If that isn’t a win-win, I don’t know what is. Today I have two memes. The first is from a long-time reader who has tagged me in the past. The second is from a relatively new reader who I probably offended and scared away because she tagged me for the meme 8 weeks ago and I’m just now doing it. The “To Do List” Mem[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Pot! Hookers! A Boat! Why is pot illegal? I don't enjoy it myself so this isn't really about ME but seriously...why? It's a plant that you grow and then smoke. It relaxes you, right? If booze and tobacco products are legal so should be pot. I'm just saying. And while we're discussing legality issues, what about prostitution? Let me get this straight, it's legal to give it away but it's ILLEGAL to sell it?! That's stupid.I've TOTALLY gotten off topic here. And I'm reeling it in.... I'm back!OK. Remember her?Her name i[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Pot! Hookers! A Boat! Why is pot illegal? I don't enjoy it myself so this isn't really about ME but seriously...why? It's a plant that you grow and then smoke. It relaxes you, right? If booze and tobacco products are legal so should be pot. I'm just saying. And while we're discussing legality issues, what about prostitution? Let me get this straight, it's legal to give it away but it's ILLEGAL to sell it?! That's stupid.I've TOTALLY gotten off topic here. And I'm reeling it in.... I'm back!OK. Remember her?Her name i[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Pot! Hookers! A Boat! Why is pot illegal? I don't enjoy it myself so this isn't really about ME but seriously...why? It's a plant that you grow and then smoke. It relaxes you, right? If booze and tobacco products are legal so should be pot. I'm just saying. And while we're discussing legality issues, what about prostitution? Let me get this straight, it's legal to give it away but it's ILLEGAL to sell it?! That's stupid.I've TOTALLY gotten off topic here. And I'm reeling it in.... I'm back!OK. Remember her?Her name i[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Thag do art! Ever since he’d started making the cave paintings, Thag had noticed that the women in the Thunka Grunka clan had been looking at him differently. Perhaps it was his position as the leader of the hunting party, but he thought it had more to do with his artwork. Whatever the case, he was gettin’ some on a regular basis. Nominally, he was still mated to Onga, but she had all but deserted him for that scrotum-with-eyes shaman, Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother. In fact, it had been Onga’[...] Source: The Skwib Thag do art! Ever since he’d started making the cave paintings, Thag had noticed that the women in the Thunka Grunka clan had been looking at him differently. Perhaps it was his position as the leader of the hunting party, but he thought it had more to do with his artwork. Whatever the case, he was gettin’ some on a regular basis. Nominally, he was still mated to Onga, but she had all but deserted him for that scrotum-with-eyes shaman, Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother. In fact, it had been Onga’[...] Source: The Skwib Thag do art! Ever since he’d started making the cave paintings, Thag had noticed that the women in the Thunka Grunka clan had been looking at him differently. Perhaps it was his position as the leader of the hunting party, but he thought it had more to do with his artwork. Whatever the case, he was gettin’ some on a regular basis. Nominally, he was still mated to Onga, but she had all but deserted him for that scrotum-with-eyes shaman, Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother. In fact, it had been Onga’[...] Source: The Skwib Isn't God more like the original Space Invader?? submitted by frequent contributor Sally Gates, AKJohn 20:13: " 'Dear woman, why are you crying" the angels asked her. "Because Lara Croft has taken away my Lord, and I don't know where she has put him.'"-------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Bent KangarooWho needs Viagra?!? I've got God!!-------------------------------------------------------AAAAAND.....that' s it. I'm out of submissions. That hasn't happened in a long, long time, usually there's q[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Ginger vs Marry Ann, Angelina vs Jennifer, The Whore vs the Girl Next Door If you haven’t heard Dawn Wells the actress that played Mary Ann was arrested for possession of marijuana. I guess we now know what was in the pies she made; it wasn’t just coconut or pineapple. With Mary Ann getting arrested it made me think about when I was growing up and the question for guys was who would you rather have Mary Ann or Ginger? The question for girls was, “which one are you”? Mary Ann symbolized the girl next door and Ginger the glamorous celebrity, bot[...] Source: Pointless Banter Nike presents its new Air Zatoichi sneaker I’m wandering around the mall the other day, because the cops don’t like it when I wander around the middle school playground, and I see Samurai Cathy coming out of Foot Locker. “Hey Samurai Cathy,” I say, getting her attention. “What’cha doing here?” “I needed a new pair of kicks,” says Samurai Cathy, showing off her new high-top basketball sneakers. I’m not sure which basketball star has given their name to them, but they’re v[...] Source: Renal Failure Don't Kill All The Mommy Bloggers Even though I read a few of them by my friends, I don't go searching for more mommy bloggers to add to my feed. I try them on, like shoes I know are probably not going to fit, and then discard them and wander off for a few weeks days. Yes, you're exhausted. Yes, there will always be housework. Yes, you're bored. I have all these complaints and I don't even have kids.I admit to having a short attention span and my constant need to be entertained by bright shiny lives is annoying and time consumin[...] A China Bull The bull is now in bed. We survived the day. I took almost everyone's advice and it all worked! I rented some movies, The Bee Movie, A Series Of Unfortunate Events and The Addams Family. It actually kept him occupied for awhile. Then, when the boy got restless, we did some art. I also bought him a video game magazine. Since we don't own a game system, it was the next best thing to him! I feel so protective of Daniel, right now, that I don't want to let him leave my side. I know that I'll eventua[...] Source: Seven Seeds Shower the people At our house, "the last one in is a rotten egg" is more than just an old saying. It literally means that if you don't hurry and get your ass out of bed in the morning, you're going to end up smelling like rotten eggs.This is because we have 5 people who all need to shower in the morning. And if you're not one of the first 2 1/2 people to get one, you're gonna get a cold one. It's a simple matter of mathematics. Just check my chalkboard on the right.Like it says, if 5 people evenly divided the 40[...] Source: View From The Cloud Square is the new cool. I should know. -Day 71. So...My day consisted of me listening to 6 women complain about their husbands' illnesses. They're all in their 60s so they range from back problems to inability to digest food. I've heard it all. Bowel movements, ear wax buildup, enlarged prostrates- the freakin' works people!This got me day dreaming about the job I had previous to this one. Where I worked in a cubicle with movable walls. And I sighed.Then there was this one time the office skanks were talking about their "dates" and I[...] Source: Bee's Musings Humor blogs Tuesday is a busy day for me, and since I write my posts a day ahead of time, this means that I have zero time to read blogs and write a new post. So today, I'd just like to ask you to take a minute and click on my Humor-blogs banner: I joined Diesel's Humor-blogs.com, which is something I should have done a long time ago. The more clicks I get, combined with the review they do, means that I'll move higher up their rankings. If you happen to be a member of the site, please give[...] Source: Avitable: Tact is for pussies Humor blogs Tuesday is a busy day for me, and since I write my posts a day ahead of time, this means that I have zero time to read blogs and write a new post. So today, I'd just like to ask you to take a minute and click on my Humor-blogs banner: I joined Diesel's Humor-blogs.com, which is something I should have done a long time ago. The more clicks I get, combined with the review they do, means that I'll move higher up their rankings. If you happen to be a member of the site, please give[...] Source: Avitable: Tact is for pussies Shower the people At our house, "the last one in is a rotten egg" is more than just an old saying. It literally means that if you don't hurry and get your ass out of bed in the morning, you're going to smell like rotten eggs.This is because we have 5 people who all need to shower in the morning. And if you're not one of the first 2 1/2 people to get one, you're gonna get a cold one. It's a simple matter of mathematics. Just check my chalkboard on the right.Like it says, if 5 people evenly divided the 40 gallons o[...] Source: View From The Cloud Shower the people At our house, "the last one in is a rotten egg" is more than just an old saying. It literally means that if you don't hurry and get your ass out of bed in the morning, you're going to smell like rotten eggs.This is because we have 5 people who all need to shower in the morning. And if you're not one of the first 2 1/2 people to get one, you're gonna get a cold one. It's a simple matter of mathematics. Just check my chalkboard on the right.Like it says, if 5 people evenly divided the 40 gallons o[...] Source: View From The Cloud What I like about Canada: by Special Dark Special Dark always tells us that English is his second language, but we are pretty sure he doesn't have a first one. He's a great guy, and good-natured about the ribbing we give him, but being around him for any length of time means that you will almost certainly witness inappropriateness of some kind or another in very short order.This is the story of Special Dark and the similarities he shares with Martin Luther King. They actually have a lot in common, when you think about it.Martin Luthe[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch What I like about Canada: by Special Dark Special Dark always tells us that English is his second language, but we are pretty sure he doesn't have a first one. He's a great guy, and good-natured about the ribbing we give him, but being around him for any length of time means that you will almost certainly witness inappropriateness of some kind or another in very short order.This is the story of Special Dark and the similarities he shares with Martin Luther King. They actually have a lot in common, when you think about it.Martin Luthe[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch Overrated Animals : The Koala Koalas suck. There, I said it. Sure, they have a reputation for being cute cuddly little bears, but they have got to be one of the most overrated animals on earth. At some point Koalas must have hired a pretty good agent or PR guy, because the more you learn about them the happier you are that they are all isolated on an island at least 8,000 miles from any other continent. Let's start with their work ethic. Koalas "rest quietly" 18-20 hours a[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader This one's for you, Humanity. In response to the following astute little observation my spouse fired my way today - "You know, your posts don't always have to be so long," - I am going to grab the hint by the satchel and proffer a hasty stocking stuffer, just for you.Today, I am not writing my dissertation on the ill-fated downfall of Willis Drummond. Instead, I am humbly presenting to you a Wednesday Limerick Duo. Here you are.There was a young skeez from the Hills,Whose fake lips and teets paid the bills. But in Skanky’s [...] Source: this blog is eggsalady This one's for you, Humanity. In response to the following astute little observation my spouse fired my way today - "You know, your posts don't always have to be so long," - I am going to grab the hint by the satchel and proffer a hasty stocking stuffer, just for you.Today, I am not writing my dissertation on the ill-fated downfall of Willis Drummond. Instead, I am humbly presenting to you a Wednesday Limerick Duo. Here you are.There was a young skeez from the Hills,Whose fake lips and teets paid the bills. But in Skanky’s [...] Source: this blog is eggsalady Vote! Man, it's getting tough to pick the finalists for these. I did my best. Vote for your favorite below. And don't forget to check out the Clay Pigeon humor magazine when you're done.Brad said...Factoring in parts and labor, this was going to be the most expensive date Diesel had ever had.Barry said..."Hey c'mon Diesel! You said it was just going to be a bit of spanking and back to the script! Hey! Can you hear me? Look I'm using the safety word! Spaghetti!! Spaghetti!!"ArmadilloTrader said..."D[...] Vote! Man, it's getting tough to pick the finalists for these. I did my best. Vote for your favorite below. And don't forget to check out the Clay Pigeon humor magazine when you're done.Brad said...Factoring in parts and labor, this was going to be the most expensive date Diesel had ever had.Barry said..."Hey c'mon Diesel! You said it was just going to be a bit of spanking and back to the script! Hey! Can you hear me? Look I'm using the safety word! Spaghetti!! Spaghetti!!"ArmadilloTrader said..."D[...] Headline! Politician Caught In Lie A while ago, while cruising the Internet looking for blog ideas, I came across some breaking news about a new Hillary commercial. The commercial in question was the now much-lampooned "It's 3am, do you know who your President is?"Well, I nearly passed out from the shear number of possibilities. So I immediately put my own take together and posted it. The next day, you couldn't hardly leave the safety of Yahoo without running into someone's version. I had my single greatest number of visitors t[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Headline! Politician Caught In Lie A while ago, while cruising the Internet looking for blog ideas, I came across some breaking news about a new Hillary commercial. The commercial in question was the now much-lampooned "It's 3am, do you know who your President is?"Well, I nearly passed out from the shear number of possibilities. So I immediately put my own take together and posted it. The next day, you couldn't hardly leave the safety of Yahoo without running into someone's version. I had my single greatest number of visitors t[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... I'm Such A Liar Eight days ago I posted Who Wants A Clean House? (scroll down, it's from March 3) I said in that post that my place was pristine and fabulous.This is a picture I took of my office over the weekend.Does that look pristine and fabulous to you? I've decided to blame it on my numb hands rather than on, uh, my inability to run three projects out of my old dining room.So when you read me and imagine where I'm sitting, rest assured I'm sitting in the same muck as you. Only worse.End of chat.Other messy[...] 8 Seconds Is Nothing! Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to keep my son from busting his injured lip open? As long as it is legal and does not involve sitting with him all day, I will take it into consideration. We allowed Daniel to go to school yesterday, despite my reluctance to let him be around other kids. It is hard enough to avoid injury in our own home and I cannot control what happens at school, which scares me. As I suspected, he went out to recess yesterday and tried to play. It's a darn good thing tha[...] Source: Seven Seeds 8 Seconds Is Nothing! Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to keep my son from busting his injured lip open? As long as it is legal and does not involve sitting with him all day, I will take it into consideration. We allowed Daniel to go to school yesterday, despite my reluctance to let him be around other kids. It is hard enough to avoid injury in our own home and I cannot control what happens at school, which scares me. As I suspected, he went out to recess yesterday and tried to play. It's a darn good thing tha[...] Source: Seven Seeds 8 Seconds Is Nothing! Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to keep my son from busting his injured lip open? As long as it is legal and does not involve sitting with him all day, I will take it into consideration. We allowed Daniel to go to school yesterday, despite my reluctance to let him be around other kids. It is hard enough to avoid injury in our own home and I cannot control what happens at school, which scares me. As I suspected, he went out to recess yesterday and tried to play. It's a darn good thing tha[...] Source: Seven Seeds 8 Seconds Is Nothing! Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to keep my son from busting his injured lip open? As long as it is legal and does not involve sitting with him all day, I will take it into consideration. We allowed Daniel to go to school yesterday, despite my reluctance to let him be around other kids. It is hard enough to avoid injury in our own home and I cannot control what happens at school, which scares me. As I suspected, he went out to recess yesterday and tried to play. It's a darn good thing tha[...] Source: Seven Seeds 8 Seconds Is Nothing! Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to keep my son from busting his injured lip open? As long as it is legal and does not involve sitting with him all day, I will take it into consideration. We allowed Daniel to go to school yesterday, despite my reluctance to let him be around other kids. It is hard enough to avoid injury in our own home and I cannot control what happens at school, which scares me. As I suspected, he went out to recess yesterday and tried to play. It's a darn good thing tha[...] Source: Seven Seeds My Bologna Has A First Name....... And So Does My Feminine Hygiene Product! From skimpy personalized thongs to giant bean bag chairs, I've seen all kinds of cheesy crap stamped with the gloriousness that is my name. Sadly, after searching for many years, I've still yet to find even one line of feminine hygiene products bearing my moniker- scribbling 'MELISSA' on the front of the package with a black Sharpie marker isn't quite the same. I frequently entertained swirling thoughts of legally changing my name to Tampax or Kotex until the fateful morning I stumbled across th[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel I Cook Things so you don’t have to She knows how to please me, All she’s gotta do is tease me Hello. You know those cooking/food blogs that show a photo of every single step of the recipe in stunning detail? First there’s a picture of an egg in its carton. Then the glistening egg on a plate. Then the egg being cracked into a bowl. Then the egg being briskly whisked. Then the eggshell in the wastebasket. And so on. The Pioneer Woman Cooks! is an excellent example. The photography is always fantastic, and the ingredien[...] Source: I Do Things So You Don't Have To Then shut the %$&* up already. submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreWanna bet the pastor speaks for longer than 30 minutes each Sunday??-----------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rachel H.Be verrrrrry careful when they break out the cardboard box in this service. You might just want to sit close to the exit.------------------------------------------------"Some people have less than you, but give God more thanks."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Professor Quippy: Let’s put daylight savings time to bed I’m still recovering from the latest leap forward, so I may be cranky, but the evidence is mounting that daylight savings time (DST) is a BAD IDEA. In two studies, the numbers show that traffic accidents increase by about seven percent the days following the jump and industrial accidents increase by about six percent. According to the lead researcher of one of the studies, Stanley Coren, the problem is sleep deprivation. People are chronically sleep deprived in North America, the sleep ex[...] Source: The Skwib It is too early in the relationship for me to commit to this Have you ever met someone in your life and really early on after meeting him or her they ask you to do something totally inappropriate? Like they are pushing your relationship to a level that is like forty steps away? Kind of like the whole Keith Hernandez moving episode on Seinfeld? Just to be clear I am not talking about deviant sexual acts or anything like that. So that one time that you got picked up at the bar and had a guy ask you to wear my little pony pajamas all while calling him Uncle [...] Source: Pointless Banter For an extra 50, she’ll gobble your governor With the news of New York Governor Elliot Spitzer getting caught in a prostitution ring hitting the papers, I decided to go to the expert on matters like this. “This is why I do all my business face-to-face,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp. “That and I know the government is already tapping my phone because of those anti-war marches my husband and I participated in back in 2003.” “But this was a high-end fancy prostitute service for rich important people,” I say[...] Source: Renal Failure The "I Really am the Antichrist, Dammit!!" Offensive Well, no offense to the pope, but it looks like I am the Antichrist. That's right, it's me, and since you are my #1 fan I felt obligated to tell you about it. I mean, between you and me, you may even want to get some therapy now that you know you are the #1 fan of the Antichrist!!Hey, don't worry, I won't think less of you.OK, I know what you're thinking. "Chelle B., you are so nice and practically angelic, what makes you think you are the Antichrist?!"Because it's true!I actually started wonder[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Dorky Dad's Tips for Surviving Marriage I met The Wife 13 years ago today. We've been married for just over 10 years. This automatically makes me an authority on marriage, fully capable of dispensing with advice on the subject. (Then again, not being an expert on, or even having a modicum of knowledge about something like, say, parenthood, has never actually stopped me from giving advice, but work with me here.)So, I figured that it's about time I started sharing some of the wisdom I have gained over these years by providing you with [...] Source: Dorky Dad To the jag that splatted the mac, I still know your plates! -Day 70.2 Things before the serious post:First, Check out Bloggers in a Swimsuit over at jean knee's! You'll laugh you'll cry. You'll want us to be on TV. Go! Then come back please.Second, I jus |