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Archive for 12/9/2007 to 12/16/2007Kidneying AroundIn the late 90s, back when Al Gore's Internet was still shiny and brimming with possibilities, I worked as a tech support rep at a large software company. My boss at the time was a good-natured dufus that I'll call Chad. Chad drove a blue Camaro with the license plate YAHOOO, not because he was a fan of the then-nascent web portal but because he was, in fact, a moron. Chad would demonstrate his cognitive deficit by forwarding emails of dubious origin to our entire department. I'm not sure if [...]  The Perils of Perfection Bunco night is always a much anticipated evening. I know that the thought of mindlessly rolling dice and changing tables, seems the equivalent of Chinese water torture to some. But, to me, it is a night of adult conversations, cursing (optional) and the possibility of being a winner. Last night, I was a winner! I won the award for the most losses. WTF? Even at bunco night I am recognized as the biggest loser. Not even the thirty dollars made the title a great one to posses. As you can imagine, t[...] Source: Seven Seeds My Beige Morning [Update: This was originally entitled "My Plaid Morning" but my blogger pal Dumdad made me realize that I really meant beige not plaid. Doh! I feel so plaid right now. Or is it beige? Oh geez, I can't even think straight ... so maybe it's plaid.]Most mornings, after I park my car in the company's parking lot, I'm able to walk to my office alone, clearing my head of all annoying thoughts in preparation for another potentially stressful day. I let my mind become quiet, admiring the birds flying ov[...] Source: Dan's Blah Blah Blog My Plaid Morning Most mornings, after I park my car in the company's parking lot, I'm able to walk to my office alone, clearing my head of all annoying thoughts in preparation for another potentially stressful day. I let my mind become quiet, admiring the birds flying overhead, letting the pungent fragrance of flowers tickle my nose. I just breathe.Today I really needed it. But it wasn't going to happen. As I pulled my car into the lot, I saw Greg pull in right behind me. Crap. When he waved to me I knew my fate[...] Source: Dan's Blah Blah Blog I returned it for one that fit me better: submitted by frequent contributor Chandler CarrikerGood thing I peeked early....poor little guy couldn't breathe.------------------------------------------------------"If you love God, Yule love his Son."submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Jordan W.Nothing says "Jesus" like pagan traditions and bad puns.------------------------------------------------------ "Miracles don't just happen on 34th street. They happen right here on Main Street."Apparently their cable guy showed up on time.-----[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Anyplace but home for the holidays Christmas is two weeks away. I'm two weeks from hell.Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas and everything about it -- cookies, gifts, decorations, music, cookies, gifts, more gifts, some blather about the wonder in my child's eyes on Christmas morning, cookies and gifts. Yet a couple of months ago my father-in-law turned my eagerness to dread when he said the following phrase to The Wife: "Why don't we have our family Christmas at your house this year?"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHH!!A little [...] Source: Dorky Dad All I Want For Christmas ... I must be the hardest person in the solar system to shop for. And it's that time of year once again. That time of year when Laura and I gaze lovingly into each other's eyes and whisper the obligatory "Please, this year let's keep it simple" before dashing off to purchase dozens and dozens of presents for each other.One year Laura's parents asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told them that I wanted them to contribute to various charities in my name. They looked at me as if I had just aske[...] Source: Dan's Blah Blah Blog It's that time again! Time to award the next QOHA (The Quality Original Humor Award)The award goes to Diesel over at Mattress Police - Antisocial Commentary. I was actually thinking of awarding it about a week ago, but I was right in the middle of his photo caption contest and for two reasons I decided to wait: One, I didn't want to appear to be trying to influence the results of that competition, and two, I was concerned about how bad I'd look if I wasn't able to influence the results of the co[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Miss Marlie's Musings I have to get ready for bunco tonight (woohoo!) I've invited Marlie (my almost 9 year old daughter,) to guest blog for me. I've given her the writing assignment of categorizing each member of the family into two lists: Naughty and Nice. The following is her opinion on who goes where, and why. This post is truly from the mouths of babes! Enjoy!Hello, my name is Marlie age (almost) 9. I will now mark the Naughty and Nice list For Santa Mom tonight.Dad: HMMMMM........Nice #1. He took me to get the [...] Source: Seven Seeds "Immanuel Kant: Wrong for America" I just love it when era-defining philosophers go after each other. Such quality entertainment.Now if someone would just create an ad for Thomas Aquinas....HT: Aggie Catholics(No attack ad agency dare touch the folks at Humor-Blogs.com.)http://www.ironiccatholic.blogspot.com[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic The world is my oyster. Let me share it with you... My blogger bud, Zhu, who is a fascinating Frenchwoman living in Canada (and quite a talented artist besides), has seen fit to award me with a Citizen of the World award. I'm not sure if this means that I'm a very confused person who doesn't quite know where she belongs, or if it's to applaud me for sharing vital information about toilet paper shortages, naughty Jamaican jokes and sundry odd-things-that-pop-into-my-head with the world. But whatever the reason, I'm proud of this button, because [...] Source: The Rain in Spain... The Lesser Of Two Evils I apologize for starting the morning off on a negative note. As if it isn't depressing enough just waking up in a society that promotes shows like "Real Housewives Of The O.C." and "Cavemen," I have to add to it by sharing my last post with you. For this I am truly sorry. I couldn't very well leave you with a bad feeling, so I propose a new post. Ironically, the post is about a bad feeling. Reed's bad feeling, to be more specific. The poor thing has raging diaper rash. I'm talking, sporting a bl[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Blame's On Joel Mornin' all. Notice I didn't say "Good Morning?" This morning is devoid of good thanks to a horrific nightmare I had at about 3 am this morning...so I guess it's technically a morningmare. And it's aaaaaaall Joel's fault! Who's Joel, you ask? Well, if you're not an avid reader of the "Crummy Church Signs" blog/book (you're missing out,) you cannot possibly know whom I speak of. One of the signs that Joel displayed says something to the effect of "Don't let the stresses of the world get you dow[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Second Pet Of Christmas Nothing says 'Christmas At Our House' quite like the arrival of the Angry Christmas Squirrel.See more animals over at humor-blogs.com[...] A Breath Of Fresh _______ I thought that you might like a break from my recent Christmas themed posts. So I'm going torevert back to the usual subject matter. One that is highly popular in our home...poop. Phillip hops into the van after school today, with an announcement: "I made it!" he exclaimed jubilantly. "Made what?" I asked, hoping for the news of an academic accolade of some sort. "I made it to the potty!" I paused, waiting for the part where he normally bursts into hysterical laughter. No laughter. "Meaning what[...] Source: Seven Seeds "Reed"olph The Little Prescott Oh, you're tired of Christmas themed blogs, you say? Well, I'm not. So here's another nauseatingly cheesy addition to the overabundance of blog posts about the sickeningly crafty things we do with our kids during the holiday season. If you're a crafty person, don't get your knickers in a twist. While I appreciate the idea of crafts, I have ill feelings towards crafts at our house, in general. Why?Well, most people have about two kids to organize crafts for, help them assemble, and then clean up [...] Source: Seven Seeds "Reed"olph The Little Prescott Oh, you're tired of Christmas themed blogs, you say? Well, I'm not. So here's another nauseatingly cheesy addition to the overabundance of blog posts about the sickeningly crafty things we do with our kids during the holiday season. If you're a crafty person, don't get your knickers in a twist. While I appreciate the idea of crafts, I have ill feelings towards crafts at our house, in general. Why? Well, most people have about two kids to organize crafts for, help them assemble, and then clean up[...] Source: Seven Seeds Uncle Sam (and the Gecko) Want You! Are we headed for an economic meltdown? Probably not, but that made for a much better opening sentence than the one I had before.It is true that there are signs that indicate the American economy may be in for a rough patch. We've seen a weakening dollar, a housing bubble and a credit crisis -- and all the while the threat of a Spice Girls reunion tour hangs over our heads like a black cloud.What alarms me the most, however, is the state of advertising in this country. As everyone knows,[...] Sunday Retarded Argument #2 I completely forgot to post this yesterday. Better late than never. For rules and background see the Introduction to the Sunday Retarded Argument. Which is a better investment: The Brooklyn Bridge or Beach front real estate in Arizona? Discuss. More investment tips at Humor-Blogs.com If you enjoyed this post, please add it to one of these social networks: [...] It's All About Tha Tribe of Benjamin... submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van HorneHonestly...there are no commercial considerations in the holiday whatsoever.Really.We mean it.-----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van HorneExcept for you...I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to make you guess.--------------------------------------------------"Swallowing pride won't cause indigestion."submitted by frequent contributor Emily BezaireIt might give you a nasty case of Dianetics, thoug[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs The Importance of Avoiding Hubris Last Thursday in preparation for the big DangerCouch show, I made midday pit stop at Visible School, host of this years festivities. humor-blogs.com Visible School, for those somewhat less than tragically hip to the post modern music scene, is a cutting edge music school. This venerable institution is what brought me and the Comma Clan to [...][...] Source: The Ominous Comma The First Pet Of Christmas I want to thank everyone who entered. As I said last week, having looked over other blog contests, this one required not only creativity but in some cases, a lot of work. So I really appreciate it because I know how high busy you all are.All these photos are being posted anonymously and if there was an email enclosed with the submissions, I've edited it and included it under the photo. Keep in mind that the lucky winner gets a Maserati and second place gets to sleep with Brangelina; just pick a [...] A Real Tree-t Nothin' says holiday spirit like the ceremonial decorating of the Christmas tree! That is, of course, unless you celebrate Kwanzaa or Hanukkah. So, let me rephrase that. In our house, nothin' says holiday spirit...yadda yadda yadda Christmas tree! This year I decided to photographically capture our quiet reverence for Christ's birth as we decorated the tree. But since quiet reverence is something that will never pertain to any event celebrated by the Prescotts, I settled for pictures of mayhem a[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Boy's burgeoning male fashion sense Today we spent 45 minutes in line for something that took 15 minutes, because I love spending time in line. Standing next to perfect strangers, uncertain how long it will take to get to the front, while trying to control a child who is more like an overcaffeinated monkey with ADHD, and wondering why I didn't use the restroom earlier is my idea of a good time.In reality, my willingness to stand in line depends on the reward at the end. Yes, sometimes I have no choice, like at the airport, the @$%[...] Source: Dorky Dad Please Don't Pinch the Plumber We solved our recent crisis by running out to buy a package of 60 rolls of toilet paper, and just in the nick of time too, since the next day was yet another national holiday, and today is Sunday (and you guessed it, nothing is open). If you're in dire need of say, condoms, you can always go to the on-duty pharmacy (there are always several designated ones for each Sunday and holiday), but they don't look too kindly on people coming in at night for banal stuff like toilet paper. So, I'm glad w[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... You'd Better Watch Out, You'd Better Not Try! I love getting little love notes from my children. The penmanship so primitive, the spelling so incorrect and the heart felt sentiment so...well, heartfelt that it makes my eyes well up with tears. Unless, of course, it is a note penned by Trenton. Trenton is a child who has learned, very early in life, that "nice" people finish last and good looking people always get an unfair advantage. He has decided to use his good looks and six year old manipulation tactics to sail through life, and the let[...] Source: Seven Seeds You Better Watch Out, You Better Not Try! I love getting little love notes from my children. The penmanship so primitive, the spelling so incorrect and the heart felt sentiment so...well, heartfelt that it makes my eyes well up with tears. Unless, of course, it is a note penned by Trenton. Trenton is a child who has learned, very early in life, that "nice" people finish last and good looking people always get an unfair advantage. He has decided to use his good looks and six year old manipulation tactics to sail through life, and the let[...] Source: Seven Seeds |
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